Monday, June 22, 2009

"My Life, My Wife...



...(is the way I like it)" is a note i received from my husband recently. he took this during my insane 4-day painting marathon, forced for meeting a forgotten deadline. here you see the painting in the beginning...

and here you see it at the end.


i'd say i'm 80% happy with it. i can't say that's the number that makes sleep come easily.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The opposite of cool

today while dropping my pattern off at the dressmaker's, i dropped my sunglasses in the elevator ride on the way down. i was looking up at yet another GIANT sticker in this ancient, back-alley service elevator and trying to iphone it. glasses went crashing as my head tilted. i picked them up and moved on. walked a few blocks downtown, got to my car and got in.

this is what i saw in the rearview mirror:














this is "not cool." this is "crazy." HI!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

And with this money I DID buy designer clothes

and the march goes on.

after two hard days of thinking and thinking only, and a little research i finally FINALLY broke out of my mold of problem solving and actually solved my pattern problem.

it was a sad two days but deciding on a pattern maker - a pro - got me out of my slump and back to my original design, rather than stealing someone else's. that really wouldn't go over so well with my intent to not be a copy of a copy of a copy.

the pattern-maker has requested i bring a dress that fits me perfectly in the shoulders and the bust, "and we can go from there." wow. pros. love them. she thinks this can be done in an hour. i see her today.

lesson 1: always go with a pro even if you're used to making everything yourself - especially if those things require math and you don't use math.

rule 1: quality over quantity always.
this is a rule i have always lived by.

as a kid i started working early as a babysitter, about age 12. since i'm 5'11" now - reached 5'9" by age 13 - i got jobs early. moms perceived me as more mature because i was taller than them in their 4" heels. and with this money i did buy designer clothes. and i did not have a lot of them, but they were awesome. they were quality, they were NOT a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy that you found at Mervyn's. i couldn't bear Mervyn's. it made my skin crawl. everything the same and none of it new. copies. so unorginal. so sad.

the first pair of designer pants i bought were Calvin Klein. they were classic five-pocket straight-legged khaki-colored cotton. in the store in my tiny hometown of st. helena, california, this was the only store to carry Calvin in a 100 mile radius. my mom was with me. we stepped up to the counter and she proclaimed proudly to a saleswoman - who also attended our church - "this is Beth's first pair of designer pants!"

oh my god. i shrunk. it was so embarrassing. it is not cool to be caught being cool.

from there i went on to purchase only Calvin, Esprit and Ralph Lauren who made my first pair of knickers. they were beautiful. quality. three buttons on each knee, not one, not two, THREE. each one perfectly, evenly spaced between the next. the denim was soft and maleable, the stiching just as fine.

then Guess came along. oy, Guess. they were much cooler in the 80s than they are now. somehow they slid into slutty in the 90s with the discovery of claudia schiffer and anna nicole smith. but in the 80s they were cool. pegged legs with zippers at the bottom, plain five-pockets and my favorite - a pair i still have in my clothes archives - with deep slash-pockets on the sides that showed a light gray denim in contrast and the same angled light gray denim at the knees. i worked three whole days babysitting to buy the $60? $70? jeans. that was insane in 1983. INSANE. funny how they are almost the same price now, 26 years later. weird. i don't get that. were the 80s really that cranked up? i thought the late 90s were cranked. oh, and here we are already in the late first decade of the 21st century. that's right.

hasn't the late first decade of the 21st century pretty much sucked from the get-go? financially i feel like i barely recovered from the dot.com crash of 2001-2003 before the new recession hit, when, 2 years ago? money. whatever. psftttt. i realize that people who did not live in the silicon valley/SF bay area might not know about the dot.com crash, but here it killed us. the boom was exciting! a whole new world where young people ruled. creative people ruled, but they were given too much money for their internet start-ups and they spent it foolishly - being young and idealistic - and the whole shebang bottomed out and suddenly, san francisco was full of unemployed artists with high rents to pay. criminy, there were no full-time jobs to be had for two whole years. i got a two-day a week job copyediting and photoediting for the SF Examiner, hoping every day to be given more hours. the pay was the same as my unemployment check, but i took the job instead and i worked it, praying against all rationality to be given a full-time position. never happened. in fact, i never even got laid off. someone just took my desk one day and i had nowhere to sit and no one to report to. i walked out. i guess no one noticed. it was awesome. realllllly good for the confidence. excellent. thank you.

two weeks later on the cover of the competing SF Chronicle were pictures of my superiors carrying all of their shit in boxes out of their offices with grimaces on their faces. everyone was laid off save a few a editors and writers.

the dot.com crash. what a bitch. and most of the country didn't even know about it.

but we're in a new era and there is hope for the creatives of the world. branch out. make stuff if you're meant to. one thing i have learned FINALLY is the world will not give you what you need just because you work hard. that is the old model. that is no longer enough. the new model is working hard for yourself. it's the only way you'll ever get ahead or ever feel even slightly in control of your life. and not live in fear of closed-door meetings.

entrepreneurs and non-entrepreneurs, gear up your motors. figure it out! it's time to go solo!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

"Our darkness does not scare us"



it feels unbelievable but it is very true: i have finished my business plan. it is six pages long. the best part is the 1.5 pages of marketing and advertising ideas. i read it aloud to my mom. she said, "well one thing is clear. You've put a lot of thought into this."

i have also spoken to an intellectual property rights lawyer today who assures me that i'm pretty much in the clear using a celebrity portrait on a dress. she said the worse thing that can happen is i receive a cease and desist letter. she thinks the amount of dresses i'm ordering off the bat is a small amount and not something to worry about, that the real issue is the fame of the photo i use to draw from. i have sent her another design to look over that might skirt the celebrity issue even more yet keep the pop flavor i want.

i have found a pattern maker who will fix me up some real patterns, no fake wanna-bes like the one i made which came back wrong. she is amiable and willing, i only have to worry about my funding source as that has possibly gone buh-bye.

there is no fake cool feeling today. i've got some confidence back. part of it came from watching an ellen degeneres standup video last night. she said we are most afraid of our light, not our darkness, that if we constantly move towards our light and challenge ourselves we grow exponentially and become more actualized. i love ellen. i respect her tremendously. what she said may sound a little cliche, but as brian eno wrote on one of his famous Oblique Cards, "Don't be afraid of cliches."


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Low

there's a low point to this process and i'm feeling it.

at the lowest point i wonder who the hell i think i am acting all cool like i can own a dress company and make awesome dresses. seriously. look at that face. who put cool on that face? because the face is not cool.

the face is naive.

i've hit a major bump in the road and i'm getting discouraged. i don't know how to fix my sizing problem without sacrificing my original design. i'm not sure my mom will be able to help. i don't know how to communicate with the manufacturer, i don't know why my sample came back so screwed up. i have no answers and i look at my silly face and i wonder

who do i think i am?! i'm just pretending.

right now there is no gas in my car and no money in my wallet. i've got a vase full of quarters, but does that really help when there's no gas in the vehicle? bill tells me to drive to coinstar.

coinstar? the depressing action of driving to coinstar and dumping a bunch of change so i can escape my house is awful. i say it's because i've got too much to do and that's too time consuming, but it's because it makes me feel so pathetic.

unemployment has taken over a month to be instated. i've started a freelance design job that will send me a check for work done last week, "sometime this week." i wonder if they have even the slightest clue how not helpful "sometime this week" is.

what a whiner.

and a faker.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Wonky Skating...Just for the Wonky


soooo, i made a sample dress and sent it to the manufacturer to reproduce.

it did not come back the same way.

first of all, the shoulders were the width of my dress, designed to fit me, a 6/8. the rest of it came back as a 4/6. this is very confusing and hard to rectify.

i'm having my mom over, she's an experienced seamstress in our long line of seamstresses (she is III, i am IV) - i'm hoping she can tell me why the arms are pudging forward. she can tell me how the manufacturer interpreted my instructions incorrectly and possibly put me back on track.

meanwhile there is the discovery by me that i need make at least two sizes with artwork that matches in the same way on both sizes. this costs even more.

a few weeks ago i realized the dress needs a slip, or liner. i sent the manufacturer a perfect slip. i've been wearing it for years. they made it identically. perfect. problem is, when the small dress (minus wide shoulders and pudging arm holes) is made, the slip will also have to have a shallower scoop, naturally.

i'm suddenly feeling the need for math. i'm going to use Illustrator instead and size by percentages? percentages are universal, right?

or i'll go find two already-sized patterns, make the dresses, then send them for identical reproduction. since i made my own pattern, there could be a flaw and a need for professionalism i don't have.

otherwise, made a new beautiful design today to go on a dress. i have three so far, now. two to go for my awesomely-priced massively-multiplicated order.

i haven't even applied for my business license yet.

long-winded projects are hard for me. i'm myopic and deficient in attention span.

this is a monumentally long project. i think of my friends and how many years they put into each movie. i've long lusted for that kind of endless focus...i gotta have it now though, whether i already have it or not.

it must be!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Long Lost Triangle

does anyone, anyone at all remember Triangle brand clothes circa 1984? they made the bitchenest asymmetrical jackets similar to the one pictured here.

gray triangle pants with leather-strip detailing at the hem and and pockets and buckles at the waist! my favorite. i wore them to my first rock concert ever - Duran Duran. they played the oakland coliseum in the glory days before sporting venues were named after corporations.

why is this brand completely off the internet's radar? they were too cool to be forgotten! Somebody! Help!